Bushfire toy drop: doll number one.

She's ready to go!

I'm off to make the next one now.

Go to the Toy Society Blog to find out where to send your handmade toys.

Doll

Well I've made a start on my little doll tonight to send off to someone who needs it.

Here she is trying on clothing...

Yes she was happy with the Balinese braid and the very full pink skirt.

She is still thinking about the braid going over the shoulders...

But she is very happy with her red dancing shoes!

I am happy with her little hands. Tim said they looked like they were stretching out for a hug. Perfect!

found!

After publishing my last post I thought I'd pop over and see what my favourite toy maker, Sarah, was up to, feeling sure she would be into making toys to help out. Well she was way ahead of me. She had already contacted the lady at the toy society and there is a handmade toy drop already underway. I emailed Bianca and I am now armed with the information I need to get the toys where they are needed. So some of my weekend plans can go on hold while I get out the trusty sewing machine and some of the prettiest fabric from my stash of stuff. I'm thinking of dollies in pretty dresses, maybe or cuddly critters with long arms to hug their owners.

toys

I've been sitting, as many others around Australia, watching news of the fires with utter disbelief and horror. What can you say that has not been said already by others far more eloquent than I.
Last year I took my kids to Melbourne we spent one day driving out to Marysville and from there up to the snow fields with Kirti and co. The kids and I absolutely fell in love with that little town, we had the loveliest time there and it was such a beautiful place.
Watching the stories of people and their loss I have been moved to tears and counting my blessings at the same time. As many others I feel compelled to do something to offer assistance to these people. I know that the authorities are saying do not send things, send money which makes sense of course and I have but I was thinking I'd like to do something to like make some handmade dolls or soft toys to send. I was thinking along the lines of the christmas toy drop, where crafty bloggers everywhere made toy for others. I'm not sure what to do next I suppose I should ring the red cross who might be able to suggest someone in that area who could tell me where to send them.

whispers

I'm still pretty much voiceless! I'm beginning to worry that it wont come back, listening to work friends who tell stories of teachers that talk too much despite their voices being little more than a squeak and then causing permanent damage to the voice box. Hmmmm... It is getting better.
I had a friend who used to ask me what it was that I was not saying that had caused me to lose my voice- a Donna? Hay no..... Louise Hay style she was a great follower of this philosophy. I have to admit that I went through a phase too following my separation where things seemed to unfold in such a way that it had me believing that the universe was in fact more mysterious than we really knew and things were connected etc, etc. I still like to believe there is more to life than just what we can see and understand and to an extent that we can create things in our life through thought and action but sometimes a voice can be lost just because someone next to you sneezed and they passed a virus on to you.

Having said all this I started to think what am I not saying and who am I not saying it too??

Well first of all I'd like to yell at the kids, they bicker at times Chicky Babe is slow to do her chores and then does them half heartedly, bantam boy is finicky which makes him a good choice to do the kitchen but he get cross at the injustice of the amount of work he does in comparison so he refuses to do a little more than he perceives her to be doing. I'm tired and I can't deal with that any more!!!!

I apologised to my cousin and aunt here on my blog- do I need to ring her and check if she saw it?

Do I need to have words with myself for not having my life together. I can't seem to get everything working in unison. If the house is tidy the garden is dead, then work demands attention and the house and garden seems to fall by the wayside, then I collapse into the couch at the end of the day sometimes overwhelmed by everything that needs my attention and I don't get into my studio and put onto canvas half the things that I think of. Sometimes my head is so full I can't find the space for thinking about art.

There are a couple of big questions rattling around in my head at the moment. One is how do you know you are in love? I've made some disastrous choices in the past thinking I was in love. You know in hindsight I don't think I was ever in love with my husband. I was 19 with a very low self esteem he was the first person who wanted to go out with me and I thought marriage was expected and the rest is history. Tim I loved he was so gentle and caring so different to my husband but very needy back then and unemployed and I didn't have space for another child (he has grown up a bit since I broke his heart and chucked him out for a while) The sculptor gave me butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing him, I idolised him and his work- he was like an addiction and I got my heart broken. Tim is persistent he's still here helping me out here and there and I do care for him and at times when I feel very alone and fed up with being "it" controller of the money, the house, the child raising, the decisions - down to what's for dinner and pleasing both very different tastes I think what am I doing? Why am I resisting? Should I just go for it and accept that we have a great friendship at which point my friends look a little alarmed because they think "I can do better". But I tell you the search is exhausting (If my "prince" is out there somewhere he'd better get his act together and get here soon!) Chicky Babe was alarmed because he 'doesn't take care of himself- he smokes continuously and is very scruffy!
Then I think he would be alarmed too I think he is happy to be on the edge of a relationship. He can promise to help me do something in the garden for example and then not do it and I can't get too cross because he technically doesn't have to, it's not his house, I'm not his girlfriend. Thinking back to the analogy of a relationship I came up with a little while ago, looking at a relationship as a dance where you and your partner move together using different steps to the same music, to create a dance, sometimes you might miss a beat or tread on each others toes but you pick up the rhythm and continue on. I've become quite attached to this kind of ideal. Where Tim is concerned he likes to watch me dance. He will drive me to the dance hall, he'll make sure the music is playing he might even sweep the dance floor down if it needs it but he doesn't want to dance with me. He doesn't want to take responsibility for the performance itself.
I don't really want to dance on my own forever.

So how do you know when you are in love and when is it the right one?????

Silence

Yesterday was the first day back at school. I was still feeling a bit unwell and had quite a sore throat but thought what kind of teacher abandons her class on the first day of school? So I soldiered on with a dose of codral. By midday I hardly had a voice and had to abandon story reading (I'd taken in my own fairy tale book -about 40 years old to share with the kids to encourage them to bring in their own favourite folk and fairy tales and start this terms theme. We played silent ball instead. This is a game in which a soft ball is tossed around the class anyone who speaks is out and if you drop the ball you are out. With older kids you can add bad throws to the list of thing that can get you out and add challenges like catch one handed or balance on one foot. Fortunately kids love it, I really don't know why but I thank the frazzled teacher who thought it up.
So this morning I woke after a rather uncomfortable night to find I still have no voice! I HATE having no voice. I love to talk, I need to talk....
I have found that Chicky Babe is far more adept at interpreting my mouthed words and frantic sign language/ charades than Bantam boy who insists on getting answers to questions like..
'How do insurance companies manage to make money when they offer free windscreen replacements?'
I gave up trying to answer this with charades and now have a handy little note book.
Oh I didn't go to school today, I had a mad moment when I felt like I was letting the kids down but then I thought that it would be crazy to try to teach a class of 27 year three's with no voice. I've been given the rest of the week off but I hope it doesn't take that long for my voice to return!

HOT

It's hot and I've been pushed out of my lounge. It's been taken over by a bunch of teenagers (bantam boy's friends) who had been playing monopoly outside. There's 8 of them playing play station guitar hero or something loud and rocky and discussing who out of their friends may be gay. At least it's not the 41 teens from the australia day party. Bantam Boy is talking about his next party- I haven't told him yet but it will be when he has his own home!!!!

I went to the movies with a friend to escape the heat but they were having trouble with their air con so it wasn't as cool as we'd expected.

I had my cleaning lady here today paid $50 and now there's taco remnants throughout the kitchen and debris everywhere. Tomorrow is the big day out so bantam boy is unlikely to be able to clean up the mess and school starts on monday. I haven't done half of the things I wanted to get done. Grumble grumble.....

At least my classroom is air conditioned now. I think I'll go into school tomorrow to get things ready maybe I'll take a few big cushions and have an afternoon nap.