Thursday, 11 February 2010

A little lost...

To tell the truth I am having a bit of a hard time at the moment. I can't quite seem to "get my groove on." I've kinda lost myself and have so much to do and am totally unsure of where to begin. I've been a bit depressed and have avoided blogging as a result.
My house currently reflects the state of my mind and I am terrified that I will have someone come to visit and they will see the chaos in which I am existing at the moment.
My lovely chicks decided to swap rooms and paint in the week I started back at school. This means that there is furniture and boxes and assorted sundry items strewn and stuffed around the place while this minor renovation is being executed. I hope it is sorted soon. In the process I have lost my camera batteries (the rechargeable ones.) and have been resisting buying new ones at $24 a set I resent having to replace that which I have at least two sets of floating somewhere about.
I am finding that my kids are really taking much of my time and energy again- they are good kids but the shift in their state from teens to young adults takes a bit of getting used to. (It is very much like the three year old stage all over again.)
I am torn, feeling almost guilty about looking forward to Bantam Boy taking an extended holiday and just having me and Chicky Babe about, and the actual thought of him being physically gone from the house and from town and the state! He has been living it up a bit staying out late and I have no desire to curb his enjoyment of life between school and uni (He got a really good TER and has been accepted into the uni course of his choice- for which he has deferred.) HOWEVER....When he is out late and comes home in the wee small hours I can't sleep well and this is not such a great problem once or twice but as a regular thing I find it very draining as I can't sleep until 2 0r 3pm. I have to get up early and go off to work and be peppy with a bunch of school kids. I'm finding it a bit hard. I've had to ask him to stop or a the very least consider how it affects the rest of the family. The other night he came home at 2;30am hopped into the shower and then at 5;05 I woke him up lying asleep with the shower going full pelt and steam filling half the bathroom. (I struggle with this too because his father used to come home drunk and fall asleep on the toilet or on the bathroom floor and it is too familiar to me. But I try not to compare him to his dad and try to react to his behaviours as his behaviours not as extensions of those I put up with for years- he is only 18 his father was almost 30!)
I have recently been told that the pain in my hip is not from the fall I had- well it may have been bought on by the injury but not caused by it- I have arthritis in my hip. Bugger. I am officially old.
So with all this and the fact I've just started back at school I have little crafting, crochet or art work to share. The positive thing is that one of the ladies I teach with is keen to learn how to do lino printing and we have decided to have our friday afternoon drinks in the art room and have an informal art lesson. I really need to do this for me. And maybe I will just go and buy myself those batteries after all so I can take photos of those things I have made lately to share...and just maybe it will motivate me to crack the whip and get this place into some sort of order!


inkberryblue said...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I am finding the first weeks back really tiring too ~ and I'm getting a reasonable amount of sleep! I hope you can come to some sort of happy compromise with Bantam Boy. You must be thrilled that he did well in his TER. That's such a credit to the both of you.
...and I hope you've had fun lino cutting too. (I used to get together with the secondary Art teacher when I worked in a big primary and secondary country school. We used to "play" in her art room on weekends, and did some lino cutting, drawing and dying as I recall. Soooooo much fun!)
Have a restful weekend.

REread said...

apart from the kids ... we have a lot in common right now ... my house is devastatingly uncouth, my partner is away in Sth America and I am feeling a bit unhinged as I am totally sure he's fine, all good and still wants to come home to me, but from past experienced with a partner who did a nasty cheating thing I feel a bit worries ... though I can't compare him as they are not the same people! Also I have a pain in my hip form sciatic nerve ... weird huh

EvaForeva said...

I wish I could be there to give you a hug. My daughter is just 4.5 but I can only imagine how hard it is with teens. You should totally clean up and invite your friends - you will feel so much better about yourself. I have no doubts better times are going to come soon!
And thanks so much for your thoughtful comment on my blog :-)

Sarah said...

Don't feel guilty- you're completely justified to looking foward to some girl-time (Mum gets a bit like that with Mr Sunshine). Maybe you could get Tim- or some other older guy that BB looks up to- to have a chat with BB about the coming home late thing before he goes away. (The thing I've noticed with Mr Sunshine is that he's considerably more likely to listen to a man than to a woman.)

Also, the lino art lesson does sound like fun. Candy, the art teacher I'm doing work experience with, is planning to have adult art classes once a week after school during second term, complete with snacks and wine. It must be great having a whole art room to use for stuff like that. *sigh* I can't wait to be an art teacher...

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Heidi Stevenson said...

You've got it right that adult children are tiring and trying just like the wee pre-school assortment, only in a way that we can hardly begin to control. Prayers extended that your son and my son will get to where they need to be. God bless.

Luhlahh said...

Hi LRH, I have been thinking of you in the last few days... The start of the school year is exhausting! As you know I've been moving house as well, so the blogging is suffering, as is the creativity. Take care, the other side must be close, right? X Lou

doristhedonkey said...

that is so sad to hear you are having a hard time, these things come and go, they ebb and flow. These things will pass, easier said etc,I am the same way, it is hell on earth sometimes, othertimes passable :(

Melanie Gray Augustin said...

A big hug from me too! I'm just discovering the drain that is children (well, for me, only child). I'm a little fearful of the teenage and young adult years and really hope that our little one will take after her sensible mostly non-drinking dad, rather than her party-girl-in-her-early-teens mum.

Hope you get some good sleep and an organised house again soon!

The lino cutting session sounds great, have fun!