Saturday, 11 April 2009

ooops! and a life lesson learnt.

Boy have I made a very bad error in judgement!
Chicky babe went out into freo to watch a movie with her friends from drama. This group has expanded to include some friends of one of the girls. Their ages range from 15 up the almost 18. Any way Chicky Babe took along another friend from school, a girl who is like a part of our "family". This girl's dad is a bit restrictive in my opinion, and Chicky Babe thinks (as all teens do,) that I am a bit restrictive.
They were at a movie and then rang to say that they would be going to go and have pizza. I said that that would be ok as long as it was fine with the other parent. Then as Bantam Boy was stuck in Gossnells -a good hour and a bit and two bus transfers by public transport away on good friday with limited buses running Tim took my car to go and pick him up. I had intended to pick the girls up when he got back. Then they rang to say that James could drive them home.
Do you trust him?
Has he been drinking?
And is it OK with the B's folks?
I'm not really happy about it but I suppose it would be Ok and quite convenient as Tim has my car in Gosnells.... ( I have been listening too much to her tell me how evil I am for not letting her do stuff and being too careful and fussy- having grown up being fussed over and overly protected I have been determined not to over parent and allow them both a certain amount of freedom.)
All the while I forgot to listen to how CB was saying over and over "You can say NO but....."
Well apparently B's parents didn't know and the boy dropped them off with a screech and a whole lot of yelling and noise leaving great skid marks down the street.
B has been grounded for the rest of the year, Her father rang me up and proceeded to tell me what he would like to see happen with CB in a most condescending and bullying manner.
I have dealt with the situation here on my end and I will not be grounding CB for a year I replied- (I think that is a ridiculous amount of time and being SO authoritarian and extreme only sets up for more lies and deception ,that or running away from home!) I didn't say the part in brackets to him but I did say when he said that I needed to do something - I said again that I have dealt with the matter at my end and I actually thing that the rest of the year is an unreasonable amount of time. - Then he proceeds to tell me that I obviously don't care if my daughter ends up dead! -What a WALLY!!!!! I was so angry about that how dare he speak to me like that. It was B who was pressuring CB to ask me in the first place and it was she who did not ask her parents. I on the other hand was fairly informed (albeit not fully as I was under the impression that B's parents also agreed.)
Then his partner rang to talk to me about it, she did agree that he has a tendency to over react - and that he didn't feel I did a good job of parenting CB and was too lenient and this was a bad influence on B an that he was going tomorrow to the high school in Karratha where he works to enroll her there to get her away from CB's bad influence!- Then I did a bad thing and let her know what I thought of his authoritarian style and how I thought the outcome of that would go. And how outraged I was that he would say that I wanted my daughter dead! I personally don't care If I never have to talk to them ever again! But poor CB has had the punishment - well natural consequence of her actions in that B has been banned from having anything to do with her again until B moves out of home. She has lost their trust and suffers their bad opinion of her. I see no need to "punish" her further.
Oh and by the way she won't be getting lifts with this young man any time soon!!! And I feel so bad that I didn't listen to my gut and go and pick them up myself, thus saving them the pain of this commotion but then it wouldn't have been a life lesson....She is attempting to write to them to try to make amends..
It's hard to watch your kids go through these things... especially when you feel a little responsible, I should have known that there would be no way in a pink fit that B's parents would have agreed to it!


Sarah said...

Poor girl! I guess we all think our parents are a bit overprotective, but my dad has nothing on that guy.(I must admire your self-restraint in limiting your description of him to "wally"!!)

Maybe CB could try apologising to him and see how he takes it. Only if she wants to, though. But if she doesn't want anything to do with him ever again then I can definitely understand that too. Certainly no harm's likely to come of it, though. And if he gets mad then she can always take a leaf out of my book and start sobbing...

one little acorn said...

Aye aye aye!

Yes, like you I think being grounded for the rest of the year is just a bit over the top! As you said, I think the loss of trust and the commotion has probably served it's purpose. Friendships at that age are so central though, it seems a shame for it to be broken apart after one transgression!

A good lesson with no major trauma, and it would have been a better lesson for all concerned if the father had not reacted so extremely. Building trust goes hand in hand with having respect, and he won't get any with a response like that.

fifi said...

That is so ridiculous: the man sounds likea bully, and it was his daughter who was responsible...I'll bet he wouldn't have been such a bullying prat if he had to deal with two of you,if you get my drift.

My goodness, I think it will just make B become more shifty and less likely to be forthcoming about who she is with.

He could have gone to pick them up.
I don't think CB needs to apologise, though at the end of the day, that lad has a lot to answer for by behaving like a total hoon like that. Whata redneck gesture: he could have walked her to the door!

I would have totally lost my temper: you did very well in all of that but I bet your pulse was racing.I would have been so cross.

little red hen said...

yes that man is a big bully and the boy was very silly and he has deminished greatly my opinion of him- he is however apparently very remorseful and only did it as a bit of a joke (his words not mine, not a very funny joke.)
Yes my pulse was racing and I felt quite shaken yet at the same time I felt good that I was able to articulate myself relatively calmly and told him in no uncertain terms that he was out of order in the way he was talking to me.
He used alot of personal attacks in his attack. I think he needs to attend one of my year three problem resolution sessions!
Thanks for your support, as you suggest being just one not two makes navigating these tricky waters a bit difficult.

fifi said...

I am right there in spirit, backing you up.

And at least you have your dignity, unlike some others...

Leah said...

The only life lesson you need to learn here is how to respond to idiots, and it seems that you know how to do that already.